FAA vs. DOT!
Alas for our merry band of adventurers, the Softball Gods were not smiling upon them this eve. For example, during the pre-game practice, RICK “FREIGHT TRAIN” OSBOURNE had a run in with The Law.
RICK earned his nickname for his prodigious ability to drive the ball deep into the outfield – and then round the bases like an unstoppable juggernaut.
However, on this particular evening, his talents worked against him. A towering hit to left center field landed at the perimeter fence and rolled on its merry way. Right underneath the hooves of a Park Police horse. The horse, thinking the ball was mouse, reared in terror. Donuts went flying everywhere as the mounted officer struggled to bring his frightened steed back under control. RICK, being the courteous and honorable man that he is, went charging out to pick up the officer’s donuts. Alas, all he received for his troubles was a severe chewing out. However, Rick, ever the gentleman, stood there and took the reprimand in a quiet dignified manner, frequently responding to the officer's angry comments with “Yes Sir,” and “No Sir.”
Fortunately, by this point CAPTAIN SCHOEN had arrived on the scene and discretely whispered into RICK’S ear, “Rick – You’re talking to the horse’s . . . posterior. The officer is up a little higher and to your right.” In response, RICK grinned and winked at CAPTAIN SCHOEN, and continued to address the horse's ass.
Sometime later, RICK had assuaged the anger of the good officer and given his horse a lump of sugar, the game began. The Spin-Offs took to the field first and held the foe to a mere two runs, Our heroes quickly made up this deficit during their subsequent turn at bat, thus tying the game 2-2.
However, over the course of the next inning, the foe scored an additional seven runs, which our heroes were unable to answer. This of course was not due to the lack of prowess on The part of The Spin-Offs. Au contraire! This temporary and uncommon set back was due to repeated duck incursions on the field of play. Further evidence that the Softball Gods were busy elsewhere this evening.
Having shooed the ducks off the field, The Spin-Offs vowed to take their vengeance on the now over-confident foe. For the next three-straight innings our heroes denied the opponent even a single run. Meanwhile, the bats of The Spin-Offs came alive, driving in a plethora of runs to tie the score at 9-9.
And there was one bat in particular that was on fire this evening. DARRELL HUDSON may be known as “COOL HANDS,” but his bat was HOT! During this “comeback-phase” of the game, HUD first tripled to tally several runs for his team, and then homered to drive in several more! He was unanimously named the MVP of the game!
Alas however, the Softball Gods must still have been distracted. With the game tied and the Spin-Offs' bats aflame, one of the foe’s base-runners was hit in the chest by the ball. The psychologists of both teams agreed that the runner had allowed himself to be hit as a form of self punishment for permitting The Spin-Offs to stage such a fantastic comeback.
However, our heroes, being the refined and well-bred individuals that they are, decided that they would rather "throw" the game than watch their DOT brethren continue to engage in such destructive self-flagellation. And so it was quietly agreed amongst The Team that The Spin-Offs would let the opponent win, and thus save face (and body!).
And so after a stunning comeback, our noble and fearless protagonists martyred themselves before the bats of the Tri-Skellions during the final inning of the game.
After the game, Deputy Captain ALEXIS SARAVIA congratulated his team for “doing the right thing.” At which point CHIN “CHIN-PAN-ZEE” PAN remarked that right or wrong, seeing as the FAA is essentially a subsidiary agency of the DOT, throwing the game was a smart move if the players valued their jobs!
KUDOS - Special thanks is due to the following players & guests:
CONNIE CHRISTMAS was vocal and energetic in her efforts to cheer The Spin-Offs on to their remarkable comeback. Well done CONNIE!
JENNY DICKENS was very kind to CAPTAIN SCHOEN, pretending to laugh at his Spin-Offs-related rendition of “Take Me Out To The Ball Game.” She was also an excellent “field general,” regularly calling out to her teammates the number of outs and where the next play would take place.
MARY “THE BANDIT” BANKS continued to kick ass and take names, even though she was feeling under the weather.
JOSH HOLTZMAN, who works in the ultra secret Defense Intelligence Complex, provided covert services for his team. We thank Josh for the silent pre-game "assistance" that he provided. We still appreciate Josh's efforts, even though officially, his security clearance precludes him from telling us that he “took care of” the foe’s former minor-league player so that the latter was, regrettably, unable to attend the game due to "mechanical difficulties" with his car’s brakelines.
JOHN LINSEMEYER gets kudos for coming the game to show his support for his favorite softball team - even though he had to stay first stay late in the office to finish up work. Thank you JOHN!
HO-JOON LIM gets props for being The Man. (Coz’ he is!)
CRAIG ROBINSON was an invaluable short-stop, and an excellent “field general,” providing useful guidance to CAPTAIN SCHOEN on how the team could tweak its performance.
CURTIS “CHIEF”
Similarly, MAURICE GRANBY was on hand to cause Trouble. However, his lovely escort/chaperone KATHY was there to, in her own words “make sure he doesn’t cause too much Trouble.” :)
Another guest at the field this evening was our colleague from Missouri, the ever fabulous (but somewhat annoying ;) ANGELA EOVALDI! Thanks for keeping score for us ANGIE! Hope to see you back in DC real soon! (Meanwhile, try real hard to learn the difference between a B737 & an A 319, ok? ;)
And but not least, as for LEI BOLDEN, her teammates are very proud of her! During a very brief batting practice, LEI made a solid base hit! And this did not go unnoticed. In fact it was met with loud cheers!! If LEI continues to practice and improve there is no doubt that she will soon be joining her teammates on the field of battle!
Well Done Spin-Offs!
PS – An anonymous tipster shared the news that our very own MYRON “ZEN MASTER” GILMORE was recently featured in the photo for The Washington Post's article on "National Transportation Week" volunteering event at nearby Potomac Airfield. Nearly 10,000 area school children attended this outdoor event, and MYRON, as well as nearly ten other Spin-Offs (as well as numerous other DOT/FAA volunteers) were on hand to act as guides for the students.
When asked about his volunteer work at this event, MYRON modestly replied that he was “just doing [his] part for the kids.” He went on to note that his young charges were “fantastic,” and that he’d already signed up to volunteer at this event again next year!
If YOU are interested in joining MYRON and the other Spin-Offs at “Aviation Day 2011,” please contact LINDSEY “THE BOSS” WOOLMINGTON at: mailto:Lindsey.CTR.Woolmington@faa.gov
GO SPIN-OFFS!
